You're Not Alone
by Jezz-Ra
Summary: A miscast spell separates the group. Fai finds himself stuck with the last person he could have wanted - the only one that sees through him.
1. Chapter 1

You're Not Alone 1 / ?

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Lemon, Violence, Language, Angst

Disclaimer - I don't own Tsubasa or anything CLAMP related, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

My other stories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org ::: Anywhere else, ask!

Questions or Comments? Email me at megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com ((remove spaces))

/ Blah / indicates thoughts.

A/N - I know. All my fans of my other fics will be like "NO OMG, you can't start ANOTHER story before finishing the in-progress ones!...but I can't help it. Fai on the brain after watching the anime. I'd like to note now that I have only seen the anime and the OVAs, I have not (yet!) read the manga. This story will take a different path. If it is not canon, consider it creative license based upon my ignorance. Likewise, there is the potential for spoilers - especially since I'm a rabid Fai fan. I did a bit of research on his backstory so I shouldn't be TOO far off the money.

Story born January 17th, 2011.

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Something had gone wrong.

In retrospect, Fai thought he should have better noticed the warning signs. After all, he was, despite his lack of active practice, a very learned wizard. He should have known better, should have known that a simple rest wasn't enough for Mokona no matter what his furry little friend had claimed.

But he had been so willing to accept it at face value when Mokona had said everything was fine. He was tired and wanted nothing more than to move on to the next world, since this one was turning up no trace of a feather and proving troublesome as well. Nightmares had preyed upon him with increasing frequency of late, and he felt more agitated than usual. Kurogane's eyes had been on him lately, taking note of far too many things that Fai would rather have left buried behind a wall of false smiles and lazy lies. Kurogane's ruby gaze pierced him, though... made him feel exposed. Vulnerable. Hunted.

It wasn't as if a change of scenery would change the dynamics of their group. Everything would continue as it was... but the world they were on was busy, heavily populated. They had been largely stuck together in the one room they could afford on what little money they were able to scrape together.

There hadn't been anywhere to hide. There hadn't been a place to distance himself from those too-knowing scarlet eyes. There hadn't been a place to drift off to under some pretense, false or not, and avoid having to keep up his impish attitude or cheery smile. The act usually came easily to him, naturally, but lately it had felt a little forced. He needed a break. He had hoped a change of scenery, perhaps one that would afford them a few nights under the stars, would give him the breathing time he needed to mentally regroup.

When Mokona had begun releasing it's magic, the spell began normally enough. Fai noticed without paying much attention the intricate spirals of lights, the elaborately formed runes glowing within the spells. He could tell by looking at the magic circle itself precisely how all the lines of power tied in to form the whole, finding it distantly fascinating. He had contemplated the spell in comparison to his own version several times. On this particular occasion, however, he simply wasn't inclined to pay much attention. He was just so tired...

He still should have noticed that some of the lines were weak, that the bonds of the spell weren't tight enough. As soon as the dimensional vortex had opened to swallow them, he felt some of the supporting threads snapping. It was similar to seeing threads of crystal vibrating at too high a pitch and then shattering in millions of shards of glistening light, falling away.

Around them, the dimensional tunnel had bucked and wavered. They heard Mokona cry out, and then a rush of cold, black energy had roared through, sweeping them away.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Fai let out a pained hiss as he moved to sit up, bright pain spiking up his arm from his wrist. He had landed badly on hard ground. Ruefully he tested his wrist. To his relief, it was merely sprained and not broken, as he had feared.

The wizard took stock of himself as he finished sitting up. Other than some minor bumps and bruises, he seemed to be in one piece. It was nighttime out, but the moon was high and full, providing adequate light to see by. He was laying in a field of dry grass and bare earth. A short way in the distance he could see a solitary, twisty tree growing before the land dipped down a hill out of his immediate sight.

Fai got to his feet and dusted himself off a bit with his good hand, a slight smile twitching his lips for a moment as he watched the dirt and grass obediently fall free of his overcoat. / I do so love this coat... / he mused to himself. The thing was enchanted, of course - how else could it remain so white and pristine with as much of a beating as it was usually subjected to? A minor sealing spell, cast many years ago when he was first beginning his studies in magic, easily repelled anything that would dare try to defile it. It was a necessary precaution, of course...white was dreadfully hard to care for, even in a frozen world like Celes, and it just wouldn't do to wander around looking a mess.

Fai's attention snapped back to the present and a guilty look flashed through his crystalline blue eyes. Here he was, worrying about his coat, with no idea if his friends were alive or hurt or even nearby! / My friends... / The thought turned bitter quickly. What right did he have to call them friends, really? You didn't lie to your friends. You didn't keep all your life a secret from your friends. They knew nothing about him. Syaoran was polite to everyone and would forgive him anything, he knew... and Sakura didn't have it in her heart to dislike people. She was a small sun in the darkest of worlds, and Fai would have given much, oh so much, to bask in the light she radiated in the lives of all those she touched.

/ Kurogane... / Fai scowled briefly, although it bothered him that he couldn't muster much in the way of dark thoughts to go with the name. The man saw through him far too easily. He understood a few pieces of the puzzle, had stitched together a loose framework from the threads of clues Fai had accidently dropped. He couldn't know the wizard's motivations, couldn't know so many things...but oh, how close he could cut with his guesses. He had made sure Fai knew how low he thought him for all his lies, for the way he lived his life...and yet he'd fight to protect him anyway. Fai hadn't forgotten the time in Outo when the demons had wounded his leg. Even though Kurogane had afterwards told him how disgusted he was with him...the warrior had still stepped between him and the demons, ready to risk his life to protect his own. / Oh, Kurogane. I'd rather you hate me for everything I am than ever care for me for something I am not. Its a shame. I truly could consider you a friend. /

That was, of course, the biggest argument against the whole thing. The people who cared about him, the people he cared about... it simply wasn't safe to be close to him. Unfortunately for his four traveling companions, he simply wasn't that strong. Despite his efforts, he did care about them. Even if he wouldn't go out of his way to save his own life - in fact, it was probably far better for everyone if he DID die - he had the uneasy knowledge that he would do just about anything to protect them, damn the consequences.

/ Someday, I'll be the death of them for feeling this way, / he sighed to himself, shaking his head and setting out to try and see if he could find his friends.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Fai's brooding had shifted gears, even if his mood was still dark. The worries of the shadows that haunted him were taking second place to the much more present worry for his friends. After two hours of searching, the only sign he had found were a few tatters of cloth that looked rather like pieces of Syaoran's cloak, a broken necklace chain that he recognized as Sakura's - though the charm was nowhere to be found - and Kurogane's ridiculous headgear. He paused to consider it for a moment, still not entirely clear on how the ninja got the thing to stay on his head. How much protection could it provide anyway?

Fai's attention was immediately diverted when he heard a soft groan not far off. He hastily moved through the thick grass and very nearly tripped over Kurogane, not noticing his dark-clad form immediately. Fai stumbled but managed to keep his balance before chuckling and squatting down next to the fallen warrior, who was just opening his eyes. His face lit up in a smile, and his voice was a cheery chirp "Kuro-puu, you should have said something earlier! I've been looking for you for a long time now. It wasn't very nice for you to keep quiet and almost make me trip over you, you know! Didn't you hear me calling for you?"

Kurogane's scarlet eyes locked on Fai's wide grin for a moment. He completed the task of sitting up with a grunt. Fai smiled wider, although he couldn't infer from Kurogane's response whether or not the warrior was alright. Of course, it wasn't like Kurogane didn't answer half his questions with a grunt or growl anyway...

Fai's voice softened a bit as he let his eyes travel appraisingly over the ninja. "Are you hurt anywhere, Kuro-pi? I took a bit of a fall myself, it'd seem. Not a very good landing." Here he held up his swollen wrist a bit after shifting Kurogane's headgear to his other arm.

Kurogane snatched his helm out of Fai's grip and stood up, checking himself over for injury and not finding anything. He finally turned an exasperated look on Fai, and the words that came out of his mouth were all in Japanese.

Fai blinked several times. "Oh dear, Kurgy. It seems Mokona must be a great deal farther away than I had hoped. Without Mokona to translate, I can't understand a word you're saying!"

The only word he could make out of Fai's cheery, lilting gibberish was 'Mokona'. He could guess at what the wizard may have said, however. He finally spoke again. "Syaoran? Sakura?"

Fai shrugged helplessly, holding out his hands. His tone was still cheerful, although he had the distinct impression Kurogane could see right through it. "I've been looking for them, too, but you're the first one I've found. I'm sure they're fine, I just don't know where to start checking."

Kurogane closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. He had a strong feeling that the simple fact that he didn't understand a damn word the idiot mage was saying would hardly deter Fai from commenting. Just where the hell were they, anyway? It didn't look familiar at all, not that that was too much of a surprise considering how many possible times or worlds they could have been transported to.

Fai had, however, apparently given up speaking for the moment and had resumed looking around in the vain hope that he'd stumble across one of his other friends nearby. Kurogane scrutinized the mage. Fai's gait lacked its usual graceful flow, and he was cradling one arm, the one with the wounded wrist, against his chest. His eyes had dark circles under them and even that damned plastic smile he always wore looked strained, forced.

Who knew how long he had been out? How long had Fai been searching for him and the others? Kurogane had absolutely no doubt the mage had been indeed looking and worrying. Despite himself and his seeming lack of regard for his own wellbeing, Kurogane knew he cared about Syaoran and Sakura and that damned pork bun. However, he also knew how restless and exhausted the mage had been of late. He'd heard Fai's strangled gasps when he'd wake from nightmares in a cold sweat, screams bubbling behind his lips and barely bitten back. He'd seen how agitated...caged... the wizard had seemed the past few days. Like so many other things, however, Fai obviously didn't want anyone else to know and hadn't said a word or dropped a hint for anyone, so Kurogane had let it go.

It wasn't his job to fight off the demons of the wizard's past, even if it did twang discordantly against his sense of honor to ignore a friend in need. A friend? Bah. No, he was just a traveling companion...a liar, a weakling, and an idiot that insisted on playing the fool and acting fine and calling him by those damnable, increasingly ridiculous names... but Kurogane wasn't going to let him get off that easily. Fai may not care about his own life, but while he was traveling with Kurogane, the warrior damn well wasn't going to let him throw it away. Not on his watch. His honor would never allow it. Besides, the kids and the pork bun would be devastated if something happened to him.

Kurogane huffed and stalked over to Fai. "Fai."

Fai blinked and then broke out into a huge grin. "Why Kurgy, I don't even remember the last time you called me by name! I'm just so used to being called 'wizard' or 'idiot mage'...what's the occasion? I think I feel faint from shock!"

Kurogane grit his teeth. One damn little word and he was getting mocked, he just KNEW it. He could insult the idiot mage, but what good would that do when said idiot mage didn't understand him? "We need to set up camp for the night, wizard, before you damn well fall over. And take care of that arm. Who knows when we'll find someone that can treat it? If it gets worse, you could end up being damned sorry you ignored it."

Fai's only response was to smile helplessly at him, amusement - however false - dancing in his ice-crystal eyes. Kurogane let out another disgruntled growl and snagged Fai's arm by the elbow, pulling it towards him. He fished the startled wizard's wrist out of the huge sleeve of his fluffy overcoat and began lightly feeling it, checking for any signs of a break.

Fai squirmed, abruptly uncomfortable. His personal bubble was being invaded. It was nice - and a bit surprising - that Kurogane seemed to be concerned about his injury, but it was wholly unnecessary. "Really, Kuro-puu, I'm fine. Let go of me." He attempted to jerk free but Kurogane merely growled and held on to him. Fai relented with an uneasy sigh and allowed Kurogane to finish his examination.

After satisfying himself that the injury should heal without much trouble, Kurogane tore a strip from the trailing, jagged side of his cloak. He used the makeshift bandage to wrap the sprain and then released Fai's arm, satisfied.

Fai gave Kurogane a beaming smile. "Why thank you, Kurgy, it feels as good as new! " He held the bandaged wrist aloft to punctuate his point. Kurogane simply nodded, although he noted that Fai's body language didn't match his cheery face or tone. Fai's other hand, the one not in question, had shifted to grip his coat together more tightly, as if trying to hide himself from exposure.

/ Hn... nightmares or something must be getting to him. He has no damn reason to be afraid or run away from me. / Kurogane turned on his heel and headed towards a tree before sitting against it. Fai trailed behind him, occasionally calling for the others to no avail. He did stare at Kurogane when the warrior sat down, however.

"Kuro-pi, I'm not sure if we should be stopping. We still haven't found Sakura and Syaoran yet."

Kurogane grunted and then jabbed a finger forcefully in Fai's direction, then pointed at the ground. Feeling vaguely foolish, he then did a brief pantomime of sleeping.

Fai was too tired to argue, even to mock the game of charades or pretend he didn't understand to draw more of a show out of the taciturn ninja. He really wanted to continue on, to see if they could find some trace of the others, but he was exhausted. Maybe Kurogane was right. They probably SHOULD get some sleep. It wouldn't do to be falling asleep on his feet and accidently run into something hostile on this unfamiliar world. He'd need his wits about him. Who knew what they may have to fend off, what terrible fiend might have captured their friends?

If their friends had even landed in the same world or the same time as them. If they were even still alive

Fai stretched out on the ground with a soft sigh as Kurogane lit a fire and then settled back against the tree. He pulled his hood up a little higher, folding his uninjured arm under his head for a pillow. His other hand had come free of his sleeve, and he stared at his bandaged wrist for a long time in silent contemplation. Despite how tired he was, it was a long time before sleep finally rose up to claim him.


	2. Chapter 2

You're Not Alone 2 / ?

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Lemon, Violence, Language, Angst

Disclaimer - I don't own Tsubasa or anything CLAMP related, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

My other stories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org ::: Anywhere else, ask!

Questions or Comments? Email me at megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com ((remove spaces))

/ Blah / indicates thoughts.

A/N - Well well, seems like people liked my opening chapter. Feedback made me happy. You'll never get rid of me if you encourage me, you know. Now you may be stuck with me. Bwahaha!

So yes. Please, please, PLEASE review. I'm not going to be childish and be like "oh, I won't write if you don't!" but I really get happy and excited to know what people think of my work. Honest. Every time my e-mail alert goes off I get a big stupid grin and I go 'Squee!'. So please, give me my kicks.

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Kurogane's eyes snapped open and he found his hand automatically shifting to clutch the hilt of his katana. Slowly he rotated his gaze, checking for any detail that was different from the image he had burned into his brain prior to going to sleep. He judged that three or four hours had passed due to the position of the moon and stars. The horizon showed the barest hint of gray starting to thread into the night sky.

What had intruded into his slumber to wake him? He must have heard something, felt something...

Kurogane's eyes immediately gravitated to Fai at the sound of a low noise, somewhere between a keen and a moan. The wizard was flat on his back and his whole body had gone rigid, fingers turned to claws and gouging into the earth beneath his hands. Sweat streaked his pale skin and his expression was one of soul-wracked torture. His voice came again, and Kurogane couldn't make out any of the whispered. sleep-slurred words, but the tone was one of a broken plea.

Kurogane frowned and shifted a bit uncomfortably. He had no intentions of prying into Fai's secrets if they were so damned important to him, as long as they didn't directly affect him or the kids. He had no idea what the wizard was running from - his favorite theory had always been that Fai had done something criminal, something bad enough to make himself very powerful enemies that were angry enough to hunt him even across dimensions. It was hard to hold on to that conviction, though, looking at the mage in the throes of obvious torment. Was whatever he had done so terrible that the mere memory of his victim was enough to create this sort of guilt?

/ No. / Kurogane decided after a moment. It just didn't fit. The mage's demeanor at the moment was more in line with the victim than the antagonist. / So supposing he didn't commit some terrible crime, why would he still be pursued? I haven't forgotten his reaction when I mentioned that we might run into someone that looks like someone from his homeworld. I've never seen him so pale . The thought horrified him.. So, what ... or who... the hell is he running from? What in the hell happened? /

The warrior finally took pity on Fai. He was sure the wizard wouldn't appreciate knowing that he was making something of a scene in his sleep for any that cared to watch... he wouldn't appreciate just being shaken awake. / Just this once, damn you, because you're making me feel bad and I didn't have a damn thing to do with whatever is going on in your brain... / Kurogane thought with vicious mental growl. He picked up a small branch that had fallen from the tree and then tossed it at the wizard before allowing his eyes to slit almost all the way shut.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He stood alone in the middle of a battlefield, surrounded by countless corpses that had died in agony. Fresh blood still leaked through the light dusting of fat snowflakes that drifted lazily around him.

A broken woman pointed an accusing finger at him, and Fai barely managed to bite back a wail. It was Sakura, oh dear gods, and she was torn in half. "You did this to us!" Syaoran and Kurogane lay nearby. Syaoran had been burned to an almost unrecognizable crisp. A few scraps of bloody white fur and a long ear stuck in a growing snowdrift, their ends scorched and attached to nothing. Kurogane's head lay a few feet from the rest of his body in a sea of blood.

"No! I didn't...!" Fai's protest cut short as he took note of the blood splattered everywhere on his coat, covering his staff, dripping from his gloves. Images of terrible destruction filled him. The screams of people dying as they were torn apart, blackened and burned or simply ripped asunder...the mad surge of arcane power raging through his veins. The power...it was intoxicating, almost sexual in its intensity. He could drown in its rush, lose himself. The sky darkened and the ground shook, the world itself trembling from the force that sang in him in wild ecstasy. How easy it would be to rip this world apart from its roots...as easy as it was to snuff the life from anyone that dared come close. He was cursed. Anyone that got too close to him would die. "I didn't...please."

But why did he remember it, then? The magic exploding from him in cutting bands, shredding flesh and bone, the lightning bowing to his command and shrieking down...no! He didn't! He didn't kill them...

/ Murderer... / a sibilant tone hissed in his ear. / You killed them all. You killed the whole of your country, you sacrificed your own flesh and blood for your own sake, and everyone else will meet the same fate. Everyone dies because of you... you are a cursed thing, a horrible demon beast made flesh, and you'll only repay kindness with pain and death. Any who get close to you will not be spared. And yet you selfishly horde these new friends of yours... what sort of sick monster are you, to keep them near, knowing what you are? /

"No! I'm not a monster...god, please, forgive me, I never wanted anyone to die..."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Fai lurched awake as he felt something hit his chest. He sat up so fast he almost fell over, sucking in a choked gulp of air, his eyes wide and darting, tears stinging their corners. It took him a moment to take in his surroundings and to still his heart, which fluttered in his chest like a broken-winged bird. He relaxed in small stages, lifting one hand to his chest as if to soothe his wild heartbeat.

His eyes caught sight of a small branch from the tree they were sleeping under in his lap and he almost let out a tired chuckle. The thing must have fallen and landed on him, waking him up. His eyes darted over to Kurogane to see if the ninja had noticed anything, but the warrior seemed to be asleep. / Good. I wouldn't want to face him right now. I'd much rather be alone. /

Still somewhat shaky, he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, images of terrible destruction and suffering still flashing through his mind. He used the stick to poke some life back into the fire and then hugged his knees to his chest, staring into the embers until the tears stopped coming.

Dream or not, it was probably a warning. Fai could well appreciate the power of dreams. And while he had never gone on an apocalyptic killing spree, to his knowledge...so very, very many people had died because of him. / I should leave, get far away from all of them. / He smiled bitterly and jabbed at the fire more forcefully. He knew he wouldn't leave. He'd find Sakura and he would protect her. He'd travel with her, and with Mokona and Syaoran and Kurogane, because he'd grown very fond of them.

He'd never had friends like this before. They laughed with him and accepted him as one of their own, even though he had told them nothing. Well, everyone but Kurogane did, anyhow...but the warrior was simply not the type to grab onto someone and welcome them with open arms. The thought of Kurogane randomly glomping a stranger and laughing brought a ghost of a smile to the mage's face. / Ah yes, my Kurgy-puu, a striking example of the social butterfly... /

Fai's smile faltered again. Yes, he had come to care very much for his four companions...and he knew he didn't have the emotional strength to walk away even if he DIDN'T want to protect the princess and see her through her quest. He was too lonely. He needed this. He hadn't realized how much fun it would be to do something even as simple as tease Kurogane with silly nicknames and flee the warrior's mock rages.

/ Ah, what a paradox. Monster, indeed. Because I care for them, it will bring them grief, but even though it will bring them grief, I can't help caring about them. I can't protect them from myself. /

He continued to stare at the fire until dawn broke.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kurogane watched the mage underneath mostly-lidded eyes, He saw Fai lurch up from his sleep as if all the demons of hell had suddenly risen up to claim him. It was...disturbing... to see so much anguish on the wizard's face. Even though the smile Fai always wore was annoyingly fake, it didn't lessen the simple wrongness of such pain and sorrow contorting his features, the traces of tears sliding unheeded down his cheeks as he poked at the fire pit. Kurogane was glad he hadn't let the wizard know he was awake - the panicked look Fai had thrown his way confirmed his suspicions that the mage had assuredly not wanted his current state shared with anyone.

Kurogane closed his eyes as much to keep up the ruse that he was still sleeping as to wipe away the image of Fai's personal torment. He just didn't want to see it. / Well, if he doesn't want to tell anyone what's wrong, its his own damn fault then... /

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Some time later, when Fai showed no signs of going back to sleep - or even moving from his current position - Kurogane got up himself, making sure to take the time to stretch and yawn, alerting the mage to his presence. Normally he wouldn't have cared, but the wizard looked so wounded that he simply didn't have the heart to ruin his illusion of solitude. Despite accusations from the very wizard in question, he wasn't a cruel man. By the time he had taken the few steps towards their fire, Fai was already giving him a cheerful grin.

"Well good morning, Kuro-rin! I'm afraid I don't really have anything to prepare for breakfast."

Kurogane just grunted in response before sweeping a hand out towards the road. "Syaoran and Sakura?"

"Oh, yes. Its not like we have much better to do than look for them regardless." Fai stood up and carefully scraped some dirt over their little fire pit. The sun hadn't risen just yet, but the world was bathed in the light gray of pre-dawn.

They set off from their camp. One direction seemed as good as another, and Fai cheerily twirled a stick and let it fall, marching off in the direction it pointed. Kurogane thought the whole process ridiculous, but as he didn't actually have a better idea - or a way to communicate it even if he had - he remained silent and just followed the wizard.

After roughly an hour on the road, the two of them had reached the same conclusion. Something had been bothering them both and they finally pinpointed it.

All the world was silent. The only noise was the soft rustle of grass waving in the breeze. There was no hum of insects, no birdsong... Outside of the two of them, there was no sign that a single creature lived in this world. In fact, outside of the occasional, rare tree, they found no plants growing either. All they saw was an endless sea of grass that was just starting to brown. The morning sun had risen on a canvas that was blank save for the two of them.

Fai found it to be rather eerie, and unconsciously shifted a bit closer to the warrior. His tone wasn't quite as cheerful as normal. "Kuro-wan, I think we might have finally found our very first dead world. I've not seen so much as a fly or a bush or an animal track all day..."

Kurogane had no way to know what the mage was saying, but had he known, he would have disagreed. He felt something teasing his sixth sense. He kept his hand on the hilt of his sword and his eyes constantly scanning the surrounding area.

Fai noticed Kurogane's state of hyper-awareness and slowly lifted an eyebrow, glancing around. He usually wasn't one to miss the warning signs of an attack...to miss noticing when something was coming for him. Despite his practice as a wizard, he had been through very extensive physical training as well. He had worked hard to attune his senses, and it didn't sit well with him that Kurogane had noticed something, couldn't even tell him what to look for, and even knowing there was something there he still couldn't find it.

The only change several more hours of travel brought was an increase in trees and a decrease of light as the sun began to dip down towards the horizon. It wasn't really dense enough to call the twisted trees a forest, but there were more than they had seen earlier. Still with no sign of ... well, anything... the two headed towards them.

Fai used a stick to idly prod random clumps of grass, wondering if they would find anything to eat or if the two of them would simply end up dying of starvation. He was about to turn to ask Kurogane what they should do - it was so easy to forget someone he'd held conversations with several times in the past couldn't make out what he was saying - and something brushed his face. Several somethings, in fact.

Fai let out a shocked noise of surprise and immediately moved to jerk backwards, only to find himself stuck. It had taken a mere few moments and his whole body was frozen in place despite his best efforts. / Like a fly in a web...oh dear. / And it was, indeed, a web. The wizard found if he tilted his head just slightly and looked out of the corner of his eye he could barely make out thin, nearly invisible strands woven together.

"Kuro-rin, be careful!" He knew Kurogane wouldn't understand him, but he hoped the urgency of his tone was enough to convey a clear warning.

Kurogane took the hint, approaching very cautiously and leading with his katana. / What the hell kind of spider can make a web this big? Guess that means we aren't alone here after all. Even if there IS a spider around, I can't see anything, unless its hiding in one of these trees... /

There was a slight clatter of motion behind Kurogane, and he whipped around, instincts guiding his strike. His sword lashed out and banged off something hard and metallic with a shower of sparks. There was a lout, squealing chitter. The warrior gawked for a moment, convinced his eyes were playing tricks on him. Was this thing invisible?

He saw a faint ripple of motion, a wavering blur like steam in the air, and he brought his katana up to block. He focused his senses, trying hard to get a good look at what he was fighting.

He saw it for a mere instant as it moved and the fading sunlight reflected off its hide just right. It looked something like a huge spider, save for a much narrower body that curved under like a wasp's and ended with a barbed stinger. It stood almost ten feet tall. Instead of eight legs, it had six, with two arms ending in long but thin, curved claws. The beast's hide was glassy, almost completely clear. / Great. Almost-invisible spiders. /

Kurogane dodged backwards, parrying another couple attacks that he sensed more than felt. The beast chittered in rage and came on again. Kurogane grinned viciously. Now that he knew what to look for, he was better able to pick out the way the light played off the spider's hide. It wasn't so much that it was see-through as it reflected its surroundings so perfectly it simply seemed not to be there. But once his mind knew to look for the tiny play of sunlight glinting off a moving leg or bent limb, it was much easier to pick out the monster.

/ Alright, this isn't so bad. I can take this thing down without too much problem. I just need to find the weakness in its armor, then I'll cut the idiot mage down and we'll continue on our way. Wonder if these things are any good to eat... /

Kurogane smiled fiercely and charged forward, his confidence renewed. This wouldn't be any trouble at all.

Behind him, Fai let out a blood-curdling scream.


	3. Chapter 3

You're Not Alone 3 / ?

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Lemon, Violence, Language, Angst

Disclaimer - I don't own Tsubasa or anything CLAMP related, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

My other stories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org ::: Anywhere else, ask!

Questions or Comments? Email me at megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com ((remove spaces))

/ Blah / indicates thoughts.

A/N - Apology to my OTHER fics' fans. *cough* This one keeps grabbing me...and i suppose I better do what it wants if I'm ever going to get inspiration together for my other chapters. I can't very well sit down and write other people and have them sound like Fai and call it good...although Fai is so for the win.

I also wanted to state that I very purposely left Mokona out of the loop to cause this issue of a language barrier. It was something of a personal challenge - how much more difficult it is to write a piece where your two main characters cannot use words to communicate! However, it also provides some unique opportunities as well.

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A lifetime of hard training was the only thing that kept Kurogane from whipping around immediately at the sound of Fai's scream. Had he so lost his focus, turned to see whatever dreadful sight surely awaited him, he would have died. The need to SEE, the need to KNOW what had just happened to the wizard burned in him, tore at his soul with sharp, scrabbling claws.

Had he taken the moment to turn and look, however, he would have missed the glinting flash of the spider-thing's heavy claws slashing in at him. He parried quickly, his katana banging off the stabbing limbs. The creature let out an angry noise and reared up, attempting to bring it's sword-like stinger to bear. Kurogane saw his opening and dove in, slicing up at the spindly-legged creature's body.

His blade cut into the thing's belly , neatly finding the groove between two plates of the beast's exoskeletal armor. The thing let out a high-pitched chittering shriek, a huge gout of thick, purplish ichor pouring from the wound. Kurogane missed most of the flood of fluids, which turned out to be a good thing. They hissed as they hit the ground, and he had to rip his cloak off hastily as the splatters of acidic blood ate through the material.

The whole process had only taken a matter of a few seconds, precious time Kurogane wasn't sure he had. Judging this opponent to be finished, he whirled to regard Fai.

Another of the spider-things had come up behind the wizard. It held his body with it's claws and two of it's front-most legs. It's chelicerae were buried in the juncture of Fai's neck and shoulder, the glassy surfaces easy to see now that they were painted in blood. Fai's eyes were wide and horrified, his mouth still open, too breathless from pain and shock to scream again just yet.

Kurogane's eyes widened as he tried to determine the best way to attack the thing. His feet were moving before his brain had come up with much of a plan, however. This spider thing was hurting his friend...no. Not just that. It was EATING him, right before his eyes.

Kurogane came in low and sprang up just before he crashed into the practically invisible web. The spider-thing had the good sense to let go of Fai and turn it's attention to Kurogane, releasing the mage from its bite and swiveling its face towards Kurogane. The ninja had anticipated this, however. Counted on it. The spider was in a bad position with its limbs mostly full of wizard and no time to react to a new attack.

The ninja let out a loud, wordless battle cry and swung his sword with all the force he could muster. He hit the spider right between the eyes, dead center in its ugly face. There was a moment of resistance, a moment where Kurogane feared its armor would survive the incredible blow. Then there was a crack as his katana split through the thinner plates of armor on the spider's head, digging deep into the soft flesh inside. The creature's body jerked weirdly, spasmodically as it's brain was cleaved and then dropped on the spot, dead long before it stopped twitching.

Kurogane scanned the area quickly, straining all his senses to pick up on the presence of any more of these hostile things, but all his searches revealed nothing. He cast a quick look at both the spider corpses, but neither was moving. He examined the one whose head he had just split, frowning when he noticed a trace of dark, green-black fluid oozing from the tip of one fang. He abruptly turned his attention to Fai.

Fai felt a profound sense of relief. The spider-thing's bite had been excruciatingly painful, but it was something he could live with. It had been a terrible, terrible feeling to be caught, suspended and helpless in a web like a fly. He hadn't been able to even turn to face his assailant.

This world wasn't so dead as they had assumed, obviously. The creatures here had adapted strangely, were touched with magic of sorts. How many other invisible species called this world home? It gave the wizard some renewed hope. Even though their first encounter was with something large, hostile, and dangerous...their mere existence provided proof of an ecosystem capable of sustaining life. But still... such camoflauge, such strange creatures...being caught in a web... this surely was one of the stranger things Fai had experienced.

Then Kurogane's mouth was on his neck.

Fai let out a startled, undignified squeak borne of both pure shock and pain, his pale blue eyes widening to almost comic proportions. A thousand expressions flickered rapid-fire across his face and his mind scrambled to catch up reality.

The first sensation to cleave through the fog was a white-hot bolt of something akin to panic. Fai's body stiffened and he attempted to jerk away from Kurogane. What in ...what was he doing? "L-let go of me! What are you doing?"

Kurogane let out a frustrated growl, surprised at how damn much the wizard could squirm within the confines of the web that still held him. He pulled his head away and spat out a mouthful of tainted blood with a growl. "Damn it, idiot mage, hold STILL! You'll just spread the poison faster!" This was exactly why he hadn't cut him down first. He didn't want him struggling and flailing all over or fighting him off. His iron grip clamped on to Fai again as he went back to making an effort to draw some of the venom out of the spider-bite. It wasn't a flawless tactic, of course, but anything he got out now wouldn't go through Fai's system. Gods only knew what would happen to him then, stranded out here with no signs of civilization and no way to treat him.

Fai's logic finally caught up with his madly flailing and utterly irrational fears and he stopped squirming as he put two and two together. A rush of heat flooded his cheeks and he was glad Kurogane was behind him and couldn't see the vibrant blush. Forget about worrying about what Kurogane was doing, what in the hell was he THINKING Kurogane would be doing? The wizard was growing more than a little uncomfortable now as he tried very hard to turn his brain off, but to no avail.

Holy hell.

Fai needed to get the warrior away from him NOW, poison-treatment be damned. This absolutely, positively could NOT be allowed to continue. / For the love of all that's holy, what's wrong with me! We don't know there's any hope of finding any sort of treatments or medicines out here, so he's just trying to prevent as much damage as he can. Just like Kurogane would for any of his friends. Relax, you fool. /

But that didn't stop the tiny gasp that escaped him as his eyes squeezed shut. He was pinned and helpless, held in an unforgiving grip that was probably a bit rougher than necessary - Kurogane didn't want him moving. The burn in the deep wound at the base of his throat sent hot flashes through his system, matched only by the heat from the ninja's mouth on his neck.

Fai was utterly horrified by his reaction and did everything he could to bury it as quickly as humanly possible.

Kurogane released him a moment later, spitting out a last mouthful of blood, eyeing him, before mumbling something that sounded vaguely apologetic. "I didn't want to hurt you but I don't want to carry your ass either."

The warrior lifted his sword and set to work cutting the web down, wondering how they were going to get the damn sticky stuff free of the wizard. The strands proved to be surprisingly strong and sturdy, and showed no sign of wanting to come lose from Fai's skin.

Kurogane scowled when he finally got Fai free of the mess as much as he was immediately able. He helped bandage the wound, and the mage turned his attention to the webbing covering himself. Fai shook his arms with a scowl, trying to shake free some of the mess to no avail. Trying to grab the strands and pull them free merely got them stuck to his hands as well and Kurogane was forced to cut his fingers free of each other. Kurogane growled after he finished cutting Fai loose again - the damn idiot mage had managed to get himself more tangled up than when he had started, it seemed!

Fai smiled in a brief moment of triumph when his enchantment on his coat proved successful in causing the webbing to fall free, although it did nothing for the ones that stuck to the rest of him. It was a start, at least. A bit of careful trimming minimized the dangling ends. Luckily, his hood had prevented the sticky mess from getting in his hair and Fai was very thankful for that. He paused to entertain an image of Kurogane giving him a haircut with his katana and shuddered.

The wizard let out a little huff and pouted. "Oh, what I wouldn't give for a nice river or stream or lake right about now...you know we'll die of thirst if we don't find something soon, don't you, Kuro-tan?"

Kurogane grunted in response, examining the corpse of one of the beasts he'd slain. With a bit of effort he managed to pry off one of the glassy plates that made up the beast's exoskeleton. Several tendril-like growths were attached to a fine mesh of organic tissue along its inner side. They came together in something like a thick cord. A bit of creative cutting with his katana revealed that this particular plate was ultimately linked to the one on the opposite side of the beast.

"Huh." The effect was interesting, at least, and Kurogane brought the two heavy plates over to show to Fai. The wizard blinked up from his task of attempting to scrape some webbing free of his gloves when the glassy exoskeletal plates were plunked in front of him, still attached by the heavy mess of veins.

"What's this, Kuro-puu?" he murmured. He couldn't contain his curiosity and he bent to pick them up. A smile spread on his face as he figured out the secret of the spider-thing's near invisibility. Whatever passed in front of one plate sent a signal to the plate located on the opposite side of the creature, creating the illusion of looking right through the thing. Fai was utterly fascinated - he'd never heard of such an incredible mutation. Much to his chagrin, however, the image reception stopped working after another few minutes, whatever power was left within this bit of the creature having been played out now that it was dead. The plates now looked and worked more like simple mirrors.

Kurogane had gone back to the beast and begun examining it again. His initial thought, prior to finding out the interesting effect the armor had, was to wonder if the thing was edible. He rather doubted it, however, knowing that the spider was venomous and considering the nature of the acidic blood that obviously flowed in its veins. Not eating was a danger, of course, but eating something that was potentially toxic was a worse bet right now.

Kurogane let out another little growl of displeasure and gave the downed beast a kick as he spit again, trying to clear his mouth of the bitter, coppery tang of blood and venom. There was no sense staying here. They needed to find some water and some food, the sooner the better. He hated to move too much with the potential threat of exacerbating the poison that might be in Fai's veins, but he judged staying in the hunting ground of these monsters was the less safe option.

"Come on, idiot mage," he finally groused, stalking past Fai and shoving his sword back in its scabbard, having finished cleaning the blade. Fai blinked at him and it didn't take the mage long to figure out that Kurogane intended to keep traveling.

"Oh, easy for you to just walk off, you're not all covered in nasty web stuff and starting to feel the effects of that spider bite. So inconsiderate," Fai soon fell in step behind the ninja, however. He paused only to wipe at his forehead and trudged after Kurogane. He felt too warm and his stomach felt twisted.

Fai groaned at the prospect of moving on. After a few steps, he knew it just wasn't going to happen. He sank to the ground with a low wheeze. His muscles were locking up, cramping painfully. His lungs didn't seem to want to give him enough air, and the bite in his neck ached. His eyes were watering and he felt way, way too warm. "Kuro-rin, I don't suppose you'd consider stopping to camp a bit early, would you? I know we didn't get too far, but..." He managed a feeble smile to accompany his question, although another wave of fresh cramps hit him and he jolted, gritting his teeth.

Kurogane sighed softly. / Damn. I hope we avoided the worst of it, at least. I didn't think I could get ALL the poison. but I hoped... / "I can't understand your babble, mage, but I'm not going to drag you through the dirt when you look this bad. Spiders be damned." He sat down heavily, and Fai just gave him a relieved look before squirming out of his coats and curling up on top of them. If any more spiders came, he'd just have to fight them off.

It looked like it was going to be another long night.

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A/N - Ah. Yeah. I had to. Irony, Kuro-vampy sucking on Fai's neck, eh? eh? Lol. I know. I just had to. Sadly, sucking poison from a wound is not a very effective treatment. I leave you with a song verse that reminded me of them.

I'm not gonna stand here and watch you go down

I love you to much, no I won't let you drown  
And it just comes with being the man that I am

So forgive me, forgive me for giving a damn


	4. Chapter 4

You're Not Alone 4 / ?

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - Not all warnings apply to all chapters. Yaoi, Lemon, Violence, Language, Angst

Disclaimer - I don't own Tsubasa or anything CLAMP related, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

My other stories can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org ::: Anywhere else, ask!

Questions or Comments? Email me at megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com ((remove spaces))

/ Blah / indicates thoughts.

A/N - The proper name for what Fai's going through at the moment is Latrodectism. Or something very, very similar. (The effects of a spider-bite from the latrodectus family of spiders, the most well-known of which is the black widow). No, of course the spider thingy that bit him was NOT a widow, but I'm basing the effects roughly off of it. Having never experienced it personally or having known someone that was thus inflicted, any inconsistencies can be conveniently blamed on the fact that this is a fantasy creature. Hah. I win.

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Kurogane felt utterly useless. It was not a feeling he liked or was accustomed to. Even though he knew it was hardly his fault and that he had done everything he could, he still felt he should have noticed SOME sign of the other spider coming up behind the wizard sooner, enough to...to what? He couldn't fight the two so far apart, and he couldn't have warned Fai to move, considering that the mage had been trapped. But there really had been no options.

It didn't make watching Fai's suffering any easier.

Fai's body was taut as a bowstring, his back arched as another wave of cramps locked his muscles tightly, making it impossible to move, practically impossible to breathe. The waves never quite abated. Just when he began to think he might get a moment to catch his breath, stretch out a tiny bit to relieve some of the horrible ache, they would hit him again. His throat was too tight to make a sound, even if he had possessed the spare breath to do so.

Kurogane frowned as another small, strangled noise echoed in the back of Fai's throat, watching as the wizard's body contorted in another rictus of agony, fingers clawing into the ground and head slamming back. That drew a small wince, but at least Fai had his fluffy coats to cushion him somewhat. Kurogane had long ago taken one of his thick leather belts and set it between Fai's teeth, binding it loosely in place. After the first time Fai's body had jolted, his teeth snapping together with very audible force, Kurogane wanted to make damn sure he wouldn't bite through his tongue or lips, or perhaps break his teeth.

The warrior was growing increasingly worried, and it wasn't solely because of Fai's spasms. The wizard was running a slight fever and sweating profusely, his eyes watering. Without a source of water, this was a very serious problem and would do wonders to speed along the dehydration process.

That left Kurogane with three options, and none of them were to his liking.

First, he could wait it out here and protect the wizard from potential further harm. It was a very strong likelihood that there were more of those spider-things in the area. While Fai was in obvious agony and there was nothing he could do to change that, his symptoms did not seem to have gotten any worse. It was likely they would abate eventually. Such inaction, however, did not sit well with the warrior.

Second, he could head off in search of water. Just because they hadn't encountered any yet, there had to be some somewhere nearby. Even if the spider-things survived without it by getting their moisture from things they ate, somewhere down the food chain there had to be some animals that needed to drink. However, that meant abandoning Fai without any protection. The threat of dehydration was a very serious one, however, and if they didn't act soon, there would be trouble.

The third option was that he could head out and take Fai with him. The wizard obviously couldn't walk in this condition, and Kurogane wasn't sure how well he could carry him if he kept jerking around like that as the cramps came and went.

What to do?...What to do...

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Oh, gods, it hurt.

Fai cringed in anticipation and was not disappointed as another wave of terrible, terrible cramps seized him, every muscle in his body contracting until black tinged the edges of his vision, until he thought something would burst, his lungs would never inhale again. His teeth dug deep depressions in the thick leather belt as they snapped shut.

And again, slowly, agonizingly slowly, the wave passed and the pressure eased slightly, causing him to twitch and jerk, sucking in greedy gulps of air while he had the ability. Sweat rolled off of him and his throat and eyes just burned.

Fai was reminded of a time, long ago, when he had first began studying magic in King Ashura's vast libraries. The king had shown him around, pleased that he had taken an interest in studying. He had never withheld his praise for Fai's inborn talent and his sharp mind, instead reveling in them and promoting them, prompting the boy to learn more. He had, however, explained caution to him. Even at a young age, Fai was several times more powerful than most wizards could hope to be in the course of their lifetimes. Even still, untrained and wild power was a risk, a danger to himself and those around him.

It was like learning any skill. One had to start small and work their way upward, learning control and discipline, learning not only how to use power, but more importantly when and how much was necessary for a given task. Thus, Ashura had shown Fai to several tomes of beginner level magic and bade him practice.

Fai had gone to it with a will, and the spells came to him with ease. As fast as he could read, could burn the proper runes into his mind, he could make the spell bend to his will. At first, his apparent success had thrilled him, although he rapidly began to tire of casting minor cantrips and reading dweomers.

Convinced of his own superiority, he had pushed aside the books King Ashura had left him and wandered into the library until he found a heavy tome of dark blue leather, edged with a silver framework. It radiated energy, a clear ward and warning against the uninitiated. Fai used his power to dismantle the ward and immediately brought his treasure back to his desk.

Many of the runes within were far, far more complex than those that he had been working with. The boy took it as a challenge and settled in to practice some of these spells. The first he chose to try was a lightning-based attack spell.

The resulting explosion nearly killed him and blew an incredible hole in the wall of the library. The lightning had come through him, and the electrical power that had sizzled through his nerve endings had felt just like this. Everything had locked up.

However, that pain had been one initial shock and, while it took a long while to recover from, nothing had been worse than the initial blast, the painful clench of his muscles.

This was that same blast over...and over... and over.

Fai thought he was going to go absolutely mad if it didn't end soon. But it couldn't just be all in his imagination. The periods of respite between seizures seemed to be growing a bit longer, the cramps slightly less severe since they had started a few hours ago.

Another wave hit, and his conscious thought was again washed out in a wave of fresh torment.

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Another few hours saw some positive change in the wizard, Kurogane was glad to note. His seizures seemed to have lessened and Fai seemed to have more or less lost consciousness. The spasms still jerked him around like a stuffed doll, but lacked the force they had had previously.

That decided things for the ninja. It was time to go. Fai might still be suffering, but he had burned up a lot of the water in his body and would suffer a whole lot more if they didn't find some water soon. Besides, sitting so near the spiders' hunting ground was driving his senses crazy. Every time the breeze so much as moved a blade of grass he was on full alert and ready to fight - such constant hypersensitivity was starting to severely frazzle his nerves.

After making sure he had everything in order, he headed over towards Fai. "Going to go look for some water. You're going to need it," he mumbled by way of explanation, although he was fairly sure Fai didn't hear him.

It took a bit of effort to stuff the wizard into his coats, but Kurogane persevered and eventually managed the task. Judging that things had calmed down sufficiently, he removed his belt from between Fai's teeth, wincing inwardly at the sight of the deep indentations from Fai's bites. / Looks like he almost bit right through the damn thing a few times. /

He picked Fai up and let out a little huff. It took less effort than he thought it would. / I bet your damn coats weigh more than you do, mage... / Kurogane couldn't help but be amazed at how light Fai truly was. He knew the wizard, despite his love and aptitude for cooking, didn't eat near as much as he should, but it still boggled his mind that anyone that tall could weigh that little and feel so...delicate. Fragile. Breakable.

Kurogane was stolen from his contemplation - and the uncomfortable realization he had been staring - when the wizard convulsed again in his arms. It was nowhere near as bad as most of his prior spasms. Kurogane was fairly sure he would have dropped him if it was. It was still painful to watch. Even though he was a ninja and reveled in the glory of battle, was used to fighting and pain, that didn't mean he liked to sit and watch someone suffer, especially someone that he considered a friend. It ate at him.

He wished there was any small comfort he could offer to Fai, but he was at a loss. He didn't think a friendly pat on the back would make things any better, and anything he might try to say would be completely lost on the wizard, no matter his tone. Kurogane had a distinct lack of practice at sounding caring and sympathetic, regardless. The wizard seemed to be in and out of consciousness anyhow, and he would go unheard. All he could do now was hang on tightly as the mage jerked in his arms, his body trying to curl up on itself.

Once Fai was quiescent once more, he started walking again. He wasn't sure exactly how much ground he would be able to cover before he'd be forced to rest. He was stronger than most, but carrying the weight of another person was draining. It would have been easier if he could have thrown Fai over his shoulder and used the rest of his body to help distribute the rest of his weight, but he was fairly sure that would only aggravate things, especially when Fai had another seizure.

Well, he'd do what he could, then. It had to be better than nothing.

Kurogane managed to walk for the better part of two hours before simple exhaustion had taken him over. His arms felt numb and dead. Every step was a monumental effort now, and it was only sheer stubborn determination that kept him moving forward. After the first hour, Fai had fallen into an exhausted slumber, only the occasional tick or spasm going through him for the most part.

The road carried on up and over a hill overlooking a great rocky canyon. The ninja hardly dared to breathe as he approached the chasm, a flood of cool relief washing over him and momentarily making him forget how tired he was, the burning ache in his shoulders. It was difficult to see too far in the dark, but he could still make out the distinct play of moonlight off the river water below.

Kurogane set up camp next to a pair of standing boulders that provided cover on two sides. He let out a low groan as he finally set Fai down, stretching his arms with a wince. Oh, he was going to be sore later... especially considering that he still had to find a way down to the river and it'd likely require some climbing. That would have to wait for a while, however. He was in desperate need of a break.

Kurogane settled his back against one or the rocks and let his eyes slide shut, his katana resting casually against his chest. He hadn't quite managed to fall asleep, however, before he felt like he was being watched.

With a low growl, Kurogane's ruby eyes opened and locked onto Fai's ice-crystal gaze. The mage looked flushed and painfully exhausted, but was still staring in his direction.

"What do you want, idiot mage?" Kurogane groused, although there was no real heat in his tone.

Fai regarded him for a moment before responding, the faintest of smiles twitching at his lips. "Thank you, Kuro-rin."

/ Thank you for not abandoning me to the spider, not leaving me in camp, for being as gentle as you could on me, for sitting up and watching over me, for exhausting yourself to drag me all this way... /

Kurogane noted the mage's smile. It wasn't quite like the overly cheery grin he was used to seeing. It seemed more genuine, despite looking sad and wistful at the same time. He could assume from the look Fai was giving him, from the tone of his voice, that his words were words of gratitude. "Eh, shut up and go to sleep."

Fai simply closed his eyes and was out a moment later, almost as if he had understood the gruff command. Kurogane wasn't far behind him, sleeping lightly with one hand on the hilt of his sword. He felt a peculiar warm, fuzzy feeling after seeing that smile of Fai's as he drifted off. It made everything seem worth it.


	5. Chapter 5

I realize that this is not something I'm supposed to do - author's notes and whatnot constituting a place given over as a chapter. However, I feel it is my duty as an authoress to update my community (if anyone is still listening.)

This will be a brief message detailing plans for the story in question, where I've been, and where else this can be located in case ffnet cracks down on me...because anyone reading this knows about the lemon flavoring I've injected into most of my work and, if their bots pick me up, 'Pride" (and possibly my others) will be axed off the site. Never fear - I'm in other locations as well that won't do that (and will be detailed below).

First, I apologize to anyone reading these fics on ffnet. I realize that they changed something somewhere along the line, and it stripped part of my formatting...most notably page breaks. There is no division between my author's notes and the story itself. I am making an effort to correct that.

If anyone knows of a good, free word processor that doesn't have formatting half the websites out there won't accept, I'd appreciate suggestions, just PM me. (remember, links don't work on here too unless you add spaces).

That being said...

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Firstly, my reason WHY this seeming abandonment of my story has occured:

I have not abandoned this story, I've just had a lot of things happen since I was last able to write or was in much of a writing mood.

I moved house in with my father and his mother, to take care of my grandmother during her final years, and that took a significant portion of my time. When that was finished, I moved again to live with my father. I was helping him out with what little help he needed (he lost a leg due to diabetes and, while fully able to care for himself and functional, there are a few things that having two legs makes easier. Heh.).

Things seemed to be going fairly well, and I added a few chapters and was making the plans I needed to finish this bad boy so I could get started on a sequel. xD Because I'm like that. Then, a couple weeks later, I got word that my little brother had gone missing. He remained so for 24 days before they found him. He had been in a rollover accident (we knew that part) during a terrible blizzard on his way home, and it took them that long to find his body. He didn't even have a jacket. He walked about a mile and a half in his work clothes, no socks, t-shirt...climbed over a couple barbed wire fences and ultimately fell to hypothermia.

That more or less killed my writing groove, as he was my only sibling and I don't have much in the way of family.

So I finally started getting things together so I could start writing again after a long and painful year of getting my head straighter than it was and crap. I began doing a revision, update, and edit to change formatting so it wouldn't be stripped out on this site or others, fixing potential mistakes, minor updates to Sairex's speech patterns in his earlier moments before he was better defined and I realized I'd keep him in Pride...blah blah.

On April 19th, my father died. He was probably the closest person in the world to me, and a lot of my personality and writing mojo and things that I do were directly relatable to him. His death was entirely unexpected and floored me and everyone else. He was only 61. His heart function declined from a healthy 60 percent a year ago to only 10-15. He got pneumonia and an infection and the whole mess of it took him down. I'm still reeling from it.

Sooo. That put me in the position to have to move back into my mother's house, where I started this whole story. And now that I'm here again, back in the land of no-internet-worth-mentioning (we live in farmland and the only options are satellite or dialup. Sat's tolerable for some things but useless for gaming and such)... now that I'm here and can't do half my former hobbies, boredom if nothing else will drive me to start writing again. It's why I started in the first place...boredom and loneliness lol.

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On to the - WHERE DO I FIND YOU IF YOU'RE AXED OFF THIS SITE BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA MISS SOMETHING! portion.

The absolute best, number one most reliable place to find my work is on my Dreamwidth page. I check it every day, and it has every fic I've posted recently or in the past, including ALL of Pride and its sidestories. It's all prettified, with cute icon pictures and colors, formatting, etc.

It got a fresh edit, I am in the process of re-editing it again as we speak AND have two beta-readers taking a stab at it as well (I never had anything beta'd before, and if anyone else is interested in also taking a look for specific things, especially if you know this story or my others well, I'd appreciate it!). Anyhow, Dreamwidth is my hotspot where all my absolute most recent edits, posts, stories, information, etc. is listed. You can find me at:

Jezzra . Dreamwidth. Org. ((obviously, remove the spaces, I can't put links in here.))

However, if you either hate Dreamwidth, its not working out for you, or you just plain old prefer something else... I can also be found at Mediaminer. org, Adultfanfiction. net, and (once my latest edit is done and beta'd) Ao3. If you need more detailed information on how to find my work, feel free to send me a PM or even an email. My email is visible in my profile (megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com). Just make sure you put something in the subject line so I know it isn't spam mail...and if I don't respond I apologize. I also check my email every day and it has, in the past, deleted some personal mail that it thought was spam.

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On to...THE PLAN! THE FUTURE OF PRIDE (and others)!

Yes. They have one. It may just be the ending. It may have a sequel that will go on for who knows how long. It may have more sidestories. I really cant' imagine myself writing Inuyasha-verse stories and not using my characters as they've grown and become in the course of writing this beast, so...any future work I do in the fandom will likely end up being related in some fashion.

And my other fandoms, notably RK & TRC - will not go un-updated. I intend to finish my WIPs in those regards just as wholly as I intend to for Pride.

They, too, are in their most recent (and another working) edit stage, with live copies on my dreamwidth page if nowhere else.

My goal is to first finish the formatting edit. I will then repost everything to my various posting sites (the live version that I work on is already up on DW - I'm editing off that copy directly as I lost my main copy to a computer crash lol).

After I have everything re-edited and reposted - which shouldn't take too long, depending on how life treats me - I will settle in and start writing again.

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So, while I'm sure its not what you hoped for in a new chapter, this is my official apology, my plans, and most importantly, the way to find my works to see the conclusion of various things or for future reading in case the ffnet bots do indeed pick up on my, ah... disregard to the rating limits and my choice to post my works here, unedited and with plenty of lemon filling.

I hope you continue to enjoy my stories, wherever you may find them.

Cheers, all!

~ The Mighty and Incomparable Pharaoh Jezz-Ra


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